An erogenous zone is an area on the body, remote from the genitalia, that generates pleasure when stimulated. Each person reacts differently to such touch, with the spectrum of feelings ranging from indifference to discomfort to arousal.
Before we look at the three ways in which you can discover erogenous zones, let’s first consider the warm-up.
The warm-up
The right touch in the right place
Streaming media services like YouTube and Spotify, along with numerous social media sex educators, have flooded the internet with advice on how to please a lover. Many videos and podcasts focus on touching specific areas for an immediate physical reaction. However, without an initial connection, these pressure points can remain dormant, especially for women. Therefore, start with gentle touches to facilitate a connection.
Touches that encourage a connection with a woman are small but powerful: moving the hair from her face, caressing her arm, or placing a thumb on the pulse of her wrist. The key is to touch and then move away. These delicate, fleeting touches allow your partner to decide if they feel enough sexual arousal to want to explore further. Whether you are with a life-long partner or a on a first date, feeling safe and understood is essential. We are open to connect and explore when our partner is engaged and receptive.
Exploration
Out of touch, out of mind
Exploring is probably the best way to unmask areas of the body that have erotic potential. One reason so many of us are unaware of our body’s potential is that we do not place enough importance on foreplay. This crucial act that usually takes place before intercourse is essential for creating arousal between partners, improving communication and maintaining healthy sexual relationships.
Never forgo foreplay
Since foreplay is fundamental to discovering erogenous zones, start by softly touching some of the less obvious areas on the body: the scalp, arches, kneepits, etc. These spots have many nerve endings, and the sensory response will surprise you. During stimulation, complex powers are at play. Sexual arousal is controlled by our somatic and autonomic nervous system which interact between our organs and skin. Although these intricate mediations are not yet fully understood by science, it does not stop people from exploring their bodies to encourage these neural signals.
Whether alone or with another, body exploration can invite a host of new discoveries. Always discuss with your partner how you wish to prepare the scene and create the desired mood. The goal is for you to be in a state of complete relaxation and focus, ready to surrender to pleasure. Tune into the peripherals of your body—from your toes to your fingertips and the back of your scalp. Being mentally present and physically aligned gives emotional significance to incoming erotic stimuli.
Are you present? Good, let’s explore…
Accidental
Accidents can—and should—happen
Discovering an erogenous zone by accident is a multi-fold achievement. Whether you’re listening to classical music or having a pedicure, impromptu orgasms can occur in any situation. These spontaneous moments of pleasure often feel more genuine and authentic. It also encourages the receiver to be mindful and present, making you more confident and aware of your sexual responses.
Furthermore, you have unlocked another mystery of the greatest machine known to man: the human body. A welcome discovery creates a sense of adventure, and you feel a rush of adrenaline as you wonder when, where, and how you will next discover another erogenous zone.
Learning
Similar to the points in the first section, articles of sex educators and writers can guide you and encourage new thought patterns. Additionally, sessions with therapists, coaches or gynaecologists can help overcome any physical or phycological obstacles that prevent self-intimacy or establishing close connections with others. Alternatively, a certified tantric masseuse can help you find erogenous zones on your body. This can be done through a one-to-one session or a teacher-student dynamic with a voluntary model that you both practice on.
Conclusion
As discussed above, exploration, accidents and learning are ways in which we can discover erogenous zones. Every person is wired differently, and what may work for one individual, could be entirely different for another. Orgasms are influenced by variables such as anatomy, hormones, psychology and sexual self-esteem. To maximise your chances of discovering an erogenous zone, focus on pleasure sensation in the present as opposed to the goal-orientated nature of self-gratification.